As a life coach for a number of years now, I have been exposed to the concepts and tools necessary for creating a happy life. This information is not just text book theory, it is real, and I am proud to say that I am making a difference in such a positive way that both my clients and my children will maintain a real advantage in their future.
So what are the messages I attend? What are the tools I employ? And what is the language I maintain for a healthy mind? There are many imaginative ideas one can institute within the household to create awareness, and these examples seem to work for us, not always immediately, but I feel certain they will play out in a positive way in the future. When one singles out each item individually, they may seem too simple to make a difference, however when combined with a full understanding of the technology they begin to make a lot more sense.
So why is it that human animals are so unhappy? Why do we hear that 1 in 4 Australians are clinically depressed? This article would be too long if I were to cover all the reasons, but I will attempt to address a number of them.
1. We compare upwards.
There are so many things around us that make our life "easier" and provide us with more leisure time: .... DVD players, washing machines, fancy cars, play stations etc .. As we have more leisure time, these materialistic things help us fill our days, they make us "look good" and possibly temporarily happy, and more importantly provide us with the things that someone else does not have.
So what happens to the people who do not have some or all of these items? Children want what others have and feel that these things will make them and their lives more interesting and fun. We all want things. We do not need them, we just want them. We want them because our friends appear happier, and we want to be a part of that. So we compare upwards and we look to what we do not have that create a par. It's this vacuum that gives us a feeling of not being complete and we think we are not able to be happy. How often do we compare downwards? How often do we stop and say, "I am so happy to be free and can play with my children at the park", "I am so happy that I am alive and have food on the table". "I am so happy to be healthy and am not in hospital recovering from cancer."
I am consistently reminding my children to not only appreciate what they have, but to create a list on a daily basis of all the things they appreciate. The appreciation list can be as simple as "I appreciate getting a call from my friend earlier today". We need to balance out our comparison mechanism. It is becoming so increasingly difficult with society becoming more affluent, and the media controlling what we are told to think. We really have to start working hard at this. We have to start playing the game of life, so that it starts to work in our favor because as I look around at the number of overweight, depressed people and the state of this planet, we are losing the battle.
What else do I do to make my children aware? For many years I have been telling my kids to mute the ads on television. The marketing people who create these advertisements are a lot smarter than we are. They cleverly use positive associations to sell their products with no regard for what or how it is effecting our comparison state. They use anchors and leverage us into softening our brains.
I have signs around the house and try to create a balance. Small posters that say things like "A week of need not want", "A month of NOW!", "Do not complain about it, change it or fix it", "A situation needs to be either deal with or accepted" "Why make it a problem? There are no problems in the NOW." These signs inspire discussion and subliminal alterations to my children's assessment of life.
2. We have an obscured concept of what success is.
Many people in the western world think that success is a house, car, money, and possessions. You do not have to look far at the statistics to discover that the financially wealthy are not necessarily happier than those with less financial means and are more challenged financially. Who was it that stated:
"Today, we have more experts but more problems, more medicine but less wellness.
Bottom line, happiness has little to do with money. It is our state of mind. I remember when I was in my teens thinking that if I had enough money just for my bus transport I would be so happy. Then I got older and all of a sudden, it was not enough, I wanted a car etc. You know what I mean. Look around you, see how much STUFF you have, is it made up of a NEED or a WANT. Do you remember how happy you were when you only had a few boxes in your life, no baggage. Then you start to fill it up with stuff. Did it make you happier? Ladies and Gentleman, this is not success. It is empty and lacks value. And it never ends. This path will continuously be fed by trying to get somewhere, and humans do not realize that there is nowhere to get. We are creating dreams about "some day, one day". When I finally get my BMW then I will go camping with my family. When I just get $ x, then I will start a family, When I finally drop 7kilo I will be happier with my weight. The time is NOW, right now. This moment. Do not wait, do it now. Go on that trip, get involved with needy children, do that thing you have always said you would like to do. Help the less privileged. Just remember if you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy. Success is finding YOUR OWN passion, discovering what you want to do with your life and going for it 200%. Not doing what others tell you. Start today. Learn about yourself, then create the most amazing possibilities for yourself.
Life is beautiful and the universe if perfect in every way. All you have to do is allow yourself see how beautiful things are, how wonderful you are, and start to become part of what is already perfect.
3. Communication:
You do not have go go back many years to see how communication has changed. Think back to the days when you would walk along the street, take public transport and people would say "Gday" "Lovely day" etc. On face value it does not mean very much, but this is the game of life we are not playing any more. We prefer to sit opposite a computer, answer emails, play computers games, swim in our pools at home, watch TV etc, left to communicate with our own "little voice". In fact with 50,000 thousand thoughts we have on a daily basis, it seems that we are spending more and more time "ALONE". Now that would be OK if our internal communication was open to new ideas, with a potential to create thought- provoking new concepts and important issues in life. However, the internal chatter is so limited, and has become so molded by our clever governments and advertising geniuses, that we do not have a chance. That's because we are only working from a position of what we know we know and what we know we do not know. It has left no room for all the things we do not know we do not know. We can only get access to those blind spots in our life if we have other people expose them. We can only get it by being present to our voices. We can only get it from others. If you were to engage in a conversation with that old lady on a bus, imagine what pearls of wisdom you may get from her. Or that gem from that person we chatted to while waiting at the checkout at the supermarket. We have been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet our neighbor. We have acquired outer space but not inner space. We need to get back to basics and start talking. We will all begin to discover that pretty much all people in the universe want the same things and generally think similar thoughts. We all want to be happy.
I am continuously chatting to people, smiling as I walk past people, and I let my children see that, we discuss it continuously and make points of interest to what goes on. Continuing talking about the concepts of how people are trying to "look good and trying to avoid looking bad", and all about "life". Remember your children are not getting an education about "life" from school where they spend most of their days. Do not forget that you DID NOT GET ANY EDUCATION AT SCHOOL ABOUT LIFE. So get learning, get educated and start educating the children. It will help them with their health, relationships and conventional education.
I encourage you to consider that life is beautiful, and note that we have learned to make a living but not a life and we have added years to our lives, but not life to our years.
What I do:
Among other things, I provide face to face life coaching in Melbourne Australia. I am continuously making a difference in people's lives. I know that 5 minutes before I die I wont be thinking about the house or car I did or did not have, but I will be smiling at the thought of the numerous people whose lives have been effected positively by my input. It is the most rewarding life I could lead and I could ever pursue.
jonathan@lourie.org